24 January 2016

15 Things Cosmo Should Know About Bloggers

By Vix
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You know me. I love a good reply. (See Sluts). This morning, Twitter shared an article by Cosmo which listed all the things guys should know about bloggers before they date them.

As has become expected with Cosmo, their chance to attack bloggers has presented itself again.

I don’t get Cosmo. The girls who used to read it are the girls writing these blogs. Why attack us? Is it jealousy? Is it click bait? Any way, it worked because today, Cosmo’s website has probably had as many hits as the average blog.

Here are 15 things Cosmo needs to know about bloggers, should they feel the need to write about us again.

1. We want ALL the page views. Some of my single blogger friends and I can’t WAIT to tell our future dating prospects about our blogs because READ US AND LOVE US. The only people we don’t want reading our blogs are our bosses or parents because they don’t need to know about who I fancy on Tinder.

2. We love to text. Doesn’t everyone? Some bloggers write essay texts, some like to send a message per sentence. But isn’t that what EVERYONE does? What a stupid point, Cosmo.

3. We actually do have deadlines. Bloggers are fucking busy. If it’s not a sponsored post we need to get written because a brand have been bothering us even though they’re paying us pittance OR we have a schedule we need to keep, there are deadlines. Almost like real writers.

4. We can’t take people to just anything. And anyway, our dates don’t want to go to a Korean Beauty event or Primark’s press day. Where do Cosmo think we get invited to?

5. We won’t act annoyed if you read our work because we’re not pricks. We’ve written a wishlist post SPECIFICALLY for our dates/boyfriends to see what we want for our birthday/V Day/Tuesday.

6. Not everyone drinks coffee, Cosmo, you overgeneralising twats.  It’s not free, after all. Amirite?

7. We do know lots of other bloggers but most of us aren’t actually so conceited that we think we’re better than them. That must just be a Cosmo thing.

8. See point 4. We’re only bringing you as a plus 1 to an event if we can’t get any of our blog friends to join or if we need you to take photos and even then you’re lucky if you’re getting a free glass of Prosecco pal. WHAT EVENTS ARE THESE COSMO?

9. We do want to hear about that amazing post you saw the other day, because again, we’re not pricks. We want to find the girl who wrote and tweet our love. Hey we might even include it in a ‘Fave Blogs’ post if it’s good because, obviously unlike a magazine office, the blogging community is about supporting fellow writers.

10. Our happiness isn’t derived from our battery life. Yes we might become on edge if a Twitter storm is going down and we have to switch to Power Saving Mode. But we’re not complete tools.

11. We will NEVER write a post hoping to get something free from it. THAT’S NOT HOW BLOGGING WORKS COSMO. Do you need a lesson?

12. We spend our days in our PJs regularly. Like everyone else. And we don’t all like ‘artisan coffee shops’. Everyone knows bloggers love an Instagrammable Starbucks cup.

13. We generally don’t use Pseudos – unless in part. WHO uses a terribly punned pseudo? Because I’d like to meet them. I know NO BLOGGERS that do this.

14.  We’re quite confident in our ability to write. Yes Cosmo, some bloggers are confident and some are wracked with insecurity. Probably doesn’t help when magazines like to slag us off though. Tends to dent the confidence.

15. We don’t have fans. We have readers. Yes there’s a few other male bloggers that I’d like to photograph me like one of their French girls BUT THEY AIN’T FANS. Those boys sliding into our DMs to compliment our funniest tweet are often not boyfriend material.

Can I just add that my list, just like Cosmo’s probably doesn’t apply to every blogger but I like to think it’s at least a bit more accurate.

What do you think?

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